1) I am wondering if there is a substitute for the "5 WHYs"? And would that simply be the "5 WHAT and HOWs"?
2) Often when recommendations change for how to talk those phrases end up getting "worn" and can give people ticks because they recognize them.
Like "what I hear you saying is ..."
"I am curious to hear ... "
So thinking that one thing is changing the words but it also requires that people feel a genuine non-inquisatory interest and non-blaming tone when asked "what made you choose that solution". Otherwise it can feel just as bad as WHy.
And if they have read articles like yours will they then have the thought "she actually means WHY but is saying WHAT to get around it"?
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment — and I completely agree with you: the tone, intention, and felt sense behind a question matter just as much (if not more) than the words themselves.
You nailed it — if “what” is asked with the same pressure, judgment, or disguised blame as “why,” it can land just as poorly. Genuine curiosity can’t be faked. People feel it.
💬 When leaders bring real openness and interest into the conversation, even challenging questions become opportunities for insight, not interrogation.
On your first point about the 5 Whys — yes, that’s a powerful tool in the right context. But like you mentioned, it only works well after psychological safety has been established and everyone understands why that technique is being used. It's not about drilling down—it’s about discovery. And that means setting the scene intentionally.
Sometimes in sensitive settings, it’s less about replacing “5 Whys” with “5 Whats” and more about slowing down and making sure the team feels invited, not evaluated.
Really appreciate you raising these points — they add so much nuance to the conversation 🙏
What’s one way you’ve seen tone or intention shift the outcome of a tough conversation? Would love to hear your experience!
Spot on, Andra! I've experienced exactly this trap in both my workshops and 1:1 coaching sessions. Using 'what' and 'how' questions creates so much more openness than 'why' questions that often hit deeper identity layers. Brilliantly articulated insight that every leader should remember!
Thanks so much! I really appreciate how you put it — “why” hitting deeper identity layers is such a powerful observation. It’s amazing how a simple shift to “what” or “how” can open up space for trust and reflection instead of defensiveness. Glad it resonated!
great one! Conceptually the question WHY is so insightful, but in practice when using and experiencing the WHY question, it is different! Thanks for raising this. ...It s also an important thing when doing qualitative user research, like interviews. very interesting!
Very useful post thanks!
Two thoughts:
1) I am wondering if there is a substitute for the "5 WHYs"? And would that simply be the "5 WHAT and HOWs"?
2) Often when recommendations change for how to talk those phrases end up getting "worn" and can give people ticks because they recognize them.
Like "what I hear you saying is ..."
"I am curious to hear ... "
So thinking that one thing is changing the words but it also requires that people feel a genuine non-inquisatory interest and non-blaming tone when asked "what made you choose that solution". Otherwise it can feel just as bad as WHy.
And if they have read articles like yours will they then have the thought "she actually means WHY but is saying WHAT to get around it"?
Hope to hear your thoughts 🙂
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment — and I completely agree with you: the tone, intention, and felt sense behind a question matter just as much (if not more) than the words themselves.
You nailed it — if “what” is asked with the same pressure, judgment, or disguised blame as “why,” it can land just as poorly. Genuine curiosity can’t be faked. People feel it.
💬 When leaders bring real openness and interest into the conversation, even challenging questions become opportunities for insight, not interrogation.
On your first point about the 5 Whys — yes, that’s a powerful tool in the right context. But like you mentioned, it only works well after psychological safety has been established and everyone understands why that technique is being used. It's not about drilling down—it’s about discovery. And that means setting the scene intentionally.
Sometimes in sensitive settings, it’s less about replacing “5 Whys” with “5 Whats” and more about slowing down and making sure the team feels invited, not evaluated.
Really appreciate you raising these points — they add so much nuance to the conversation 🙏
What’s one way you’ve seen tone or intention shift the outcome of a tough conversation? Would love to hear your experience!
Spot on, Andra! I've experienced exactly this trap in both my workshops and 1:1 coaching sessions. Using 'what' and 'how' questions creates so much more openness than 'why' questions that often hit deeper identity layers. Brilliantly articulated insight that every leader should remember!
Thanks so much! I really appreciate how you put it — “why” hitting deeper identity layers is such a powerful observation. It’s amazing how a simple shift to “what” or “how” can open up space for trust and reflection instead of defensiveness. Glad it resonated!
great one! Conceptually the question WHY is so insightful, but in practice when using and experiencing the WHY question, it is different! Thanks for raising this. ...It s also an important thing when doing qualitative user research, like interviews. very interesting!