Skip the “All Good, Right?”—Ask to Learn, Not Just to Be Reassured
Real leadership isn’t about getting agreement—it’s about creating clarity.
You’ve probably heard it—or maybe even said it:
“Everything’s good, right?”
“You know what I mean?”
These are self-affirming questions. On the surface, they sound casual. But under pressure, they can shut down real dialogue.
Why They Don’t Help
These questions are usually binary—yes or no. But more than that, they carry a message:
“Agree with me. Tell me I’m right.”
From a brain perspective, this creates a subtle form of social pressure. The listener may nod along, even if they have doubts. The desire to avoid conflict (or disappoint the leader) kicks in. So instead of sharing risks, concerns, or better ideas, people stay quiet.
That means fewer insights, weaker decisions, and blind spots that grow.
What To Do Instead
If you want real feedback, ask in a way that makes it safe to speak up.
✅ Use open-ended, low-pressure questions
These invite reflection and allow people to surface concerns without fear.
Try:
“What does this look like from your perspective?”
“What else do I not see?”
“What are your thoughts on this?”
✅ Replace validation-seeking with curiosity
You don’t need to prove you’re right. You need to learn what’s real.
Bottom Line
If you're only asking to hear “yes,” you're not really asking.
Real leadership isn’t about getting agreement—it’s about creating clarity.
And clarity comes when people feel safe to speak up, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Ask to learn, not to be reassured.
💬 What’s one question you ask that tends to open up honest conversation?
I’d love to hear what’s worked for you.
Resources:
David Marquet – Leadership expert and author of Turn the Ship Around!