You’ve probably been in a similar situation: You send a work email and realize, three minutes later, that you misspelled the person’s name. This isn’t just any person — it’s your highly respected mentor. A wave of negative emotion washes over you. It’s tempting to bury the incident in your mind and wallow in shame until you can acknowledge your mistake. But for those who have mastered self-repair, the mistake can be remedied a lot faster.
Why do we get so embarrassed when we make a mistake?
Even unintentional errors can result in heavy emotions, such as shame, guilt, and fear — emotions that we don’t want to share and can inhibit our performance. Addressing your mistake is difficult because it can make you feel vulnerable. Making mistakes and learning from them is the pinnacle of embracing a growth mindset, but when we look at what it takes to do this, discomfort is a key ingredient. Once you recognize and tend to your discomfort, embarrassment can pass, and the self-repair needed to recover can begin.
Emotional regulation: Put your oxygen mask on first
Researchers found suppressing emotions led to the greatest internal physiological responses, such as rising heart rate, whereas reappraisal strategies were more effective at reducing physiological responses and emotional intensity.
What this means is finding ways to reappraise can aid in your overall emotional regulation, allowing you to recover faster and move forward when you make a mistake. Here you can find 4 ways to regulate your emotions.
What is the difference between a failure and a mistake?
In her book, “Right Kind Of Wrong”, Amy Edmondson says:
Failure = an outcome that deviates from desired results
Mistake = unintended deviation from prespecified standards, procedures, checklists, etc.
Engage with empathy: Help others put on their masks
Leaders can help their employees put on their masks. An empathic talk about what happened looking at the behavior, the impact of the failure, and what invites the employee to reflect and learn from it towards what can be done differently in a similar future situation. It is about supporting growth and bringing the mind towards a constructive approach.
The turning of failures into growth can happen as well with personal examples. Leaders can share their failures. We all have failures. It is about showing that you are vulnerable, that you also learn from them, and are willing to show what you did differently on the next occasion.
With this approach, the employee will overcome the fear of consequences and freely talk about specific situations in conversations with their leader, which is a great step forward in self-development and company performance.
Bottom line:
When a failure happens put your oxygen mask first, and regulate your emotions. Then figure out the impact and help others put their oxygen mask over. Talk about the learnings and what can be done differently next time. Show vulnerability while talking about your failures. It shows leadership and the power to grow.